


Turn Memory to Fantasy

by Electra_XT



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Dom/sub, Getting Together, Jealousy, M/M, Sexual Fantasy, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 02:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21402961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electra_XT/pseuds/Electra_XT
Summary: The image swarmed into Five’s mind. Diego undressed, all his gorgeous body on display, entangled with a pale woman with dyed blonde hair and a bullet bra, a woman with heavy features and an intense charisma and an aura of dominance—Oh, no. No, no, no.“Diego,” Five said, “you slept with the Handler.”
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves, The Handler/Diego Hargreeves, past Number Five | The Boy/The Handler (Umbrella Academy)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 179





	Turn Memory to Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “BLEACH” by Brockhampton.
> 
> Set nebulously post-apocalypse, but they fixed everything. Five is aged up to be about 21.

“You look awfully smug,” Five said.

Diego didn’t usually come over to the Academy for breakfast. This was a good thing, because Five’s mornings were sacred. A cup of coffee, a crisp newspaper, a quiet kitchen, and he could get his thoughts in order for the rest of the day. Sometimes Luther would show up and silently make himself half a carton of eggs, but Five didn’t mind that too much. Luther had mastered the art of companionable silence.

Diego, on the other hand, was standing in front of the blender and making a truly repellent drink out of protein powder and bananas, and actually _whistling._

Five cleared his throat. “Is there any reason you’ve decided to inflict this on me?”

“You gotta turn that frown upside down, baby,” Diego said, turning around. 

“I do not,” Five said.

“Suit yourself,” Diego said. “You’ll brighten up eventually, man.”

“No,” Five said.

“It’s a beautiful day,” Diego said, leaning on the counter. He grinned. “Had a beautiful night last night too. Great time, great people—”

“Oh, Christ,” Five said. “Please don’t tell me this is all because you had sex last night.”

Diego grinned and turned back to the blender.

“Congratulations,” Five said, dry as a desert. “If one evening sends you into such paroxysms of delight, I’ll assume the worst about the regularity of your trysts.”

“Nah, I get laid all the time,” Diego said. “This chick, though? She was on another level.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Five said.

“How would you know?” 

Five bit his tongue, because he didn’t have a response. “What was she, ah, like?”

Why was he asking this? Did he want to know?

“Blonde lady,” Diego said, turning away from the blender again. “Pretty hot.”

“That’s it?” Five said.

“Nice ass,” Diego said. “And tits— double Ds, maybe, but she was wearing this freaky bra.”

“How ‘freaky’ can a bra be?” Five said, employing his archest finger-quotes.

“Man, it was, like, pointy,” Diego said. He cupped his chest. Five blinked. “Cones. On her chest. I was so ready to take it off.”

“I see,” Five said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Not many women these days wear that style.”

“You’ve seen it before?” Diego said.

“I spent a fair amount of time in the fifties,” Five said. “That was the style of the moment.”

Diego raised his eyebrows. “And you got up close and personal with some of them, huh?”

“I did,” Five said.

There was a pause. Diego was looking at him like he was picturing Five with a harem of midcentury pinup girls in outrageous lingerie, and for a moment, Five felt deeply smug.

Five cleared his throat. “You must have found quite an interesting woman.”

“She was different, all right,” Diego said, sitting back. “She had this weird kinda retro style.”

“I gathered.”

“You’re gonna think I’m a perv for saying this, but her clothes kinda looked like Mom’s.”

Five let out a tiny sigh.

“Not saying that in an Oedipal way,” Diego said, holding up his hands, “only to give you the frame of reference, because she looked like she was in cosplay, man, with the way that she was dressed. I dig that kind of thing, you know?”

“I know that now,” Five said. “Despite my overwhelming preference not to know about your sex life.”

“She was intense, too,” Diego said. He was looking off into the distance now. “Like, I feel like she legitimately might have wanted me to call her Daddy. Or something. She had this vibe, it’s hard to explain, she was weird—”

“Was she,” Five said. His heart was starting to beat faster than he’d have liked, and connections were firing in his brain, troubling ones.

“But man to man,” Diego said, “brother to brother, I’m going to tell you that I forgot all about that once the clothes started coming off.”

The image swarmed into Five’s mind. Diego undressed, all his gorgeous body on display, entangled with a pale woman with dyed blonde hair and a bullet bra, a woman with heavy features and an intense charisma and an aura of dominance—

Oh, no. No, no, no.

“Diego,” Five said, “you slept with the Handler.”

“Why, Number Five,” the Handler said, “I thought we’d both agreed we were retired.”

Five had not wanted to call her. He had not enjoyed employing the number that he’d had tucked away only for serious, life-threatening time emergencies, and he had not been happy with the delight in her voice when she picked up the phone. And he did not appreciate the choice of meeting place she’d made— a twee 1950s-themed diner, formica tables and all, and altogether Five was having a distinctly bad time watching her practically inhale a cheeseburger and an anachronistic fancy latte.

“My question for you is of a more personal nature,” Five said.

“Well, well, well,” the Handler said, dunking a french fry in the foam of her coffee. “Let’s hear it.”

“You slept with my brother,” Five said.

The Handler opened her mouth and took a bite of her fry. “That isn’t a question, Five.”

“The intention of the statement was that if it were untrue, you would refute it,” Five said. “Thus an implicit question.”

“I’d have thought you’d be more specific,” the Handler said. “Look at you, simmering down in your retirement. Whoever would have guessed?”

“I can’t believe you did that,” Five said. “It’s— of all the men in the world, or at least the rough vicinity of this city, you chose Diego Hargreeves.”

“Would you have done differently?”

Five bit his tongue. He didn’t like the idea that his feelings were mapped on the outside of his body, in his demeanor. It would be mortifying if anyone could tell how much space Diego truly occupied in his brain.

“Let’s put it this way, Five,” the Handler said. “What’s more deviant? Me, a single woman, seeking out a night’s company from a stranger, or you feeling so amorously towards your own brother?”

Five gritted his teeth. The Hargreeves family did not care to over-examine certain matters.

“You slept with him to mess with me,” he said. “That’s foul play.”

“Oh, no,” the Handler said. “No, that isn’t why I slept with him.”

“Isn’t it?” Five said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“I had sex with him because I just loved the sight of his cute little face,” the Handler said. She sat back and gestured, a long french fry dangling from her fingers like a cigarette. “And his cute little body, too, although cute perhaps isn’t the right word for all those muscles.”

“Please do not tell me any more about this,” Five said.

“It’s a shame he only wears those turtlenecks, don’t you think?” the Handler said. “You know, I told him he might try showing a little skin. And that nipple ring is just adorable. Mmm.”

Five frowned. Diego’s tank top at breakfast was taking on an ugly significance.

“And what’s really appealing is the contrast, you know?” the Handler said. “Those big brown eyes, that sinfully strong body; the way his voice goes low when he’s dirty talking but starts to tremble when you really turn him on… I mean, he’s a real stallion, but he let me pet him. How cute is that?”

“Stop,” Five said sharply. His heart was starting to pound. All the images flooding his mind— muscles flexing, breath hitching, Diego’s eyes, his voice breaking— and the Handler serenely petting him, running her hand through her hair, stroking his scar. The idea of the Handler trying to tame Diego in any way made him white-hot with anger. If she tried to reduce him, she didn’t deserve to fucking have him.

“You know, I feel like I’ve failed you,” the Handler said, leaning back and looking at Five. “I made you this body custom, but looking at your brother, I think I could have made you better.”

“What are you saying?” Five said. “I’m not— this body is fine. I don’t want to be Diego.”

The Handler looked down at him. “Well, you can keep telling yourself that.”

“What I want is for you to drop this,” Five said. He leaned over the table. “You’re an adult, and you can make your own choices.”

“Oh, I assure you I’m aware of that,” the Handler said. “I make choices for the universe, remember?”

“I’m not going to tell you that you can’t see my brother,” Five said. “What you two do together behind closed doors is none of my business, and I intend to keep it that way. I came here to ask you a question, you gave me an answer, and I was satisfied, but then you felt the need to explain yourself, and under no circumstances would I ever want to hear about that.”

“My, you’re a jealous thing,” the Handler said.

“I’m not jealous,” Five said.

“Of course you’re not,” the Handler said. “Do you want my advice, Five?”

“No.”

“If you really want him, get him,” the Handler said, picking up her cheeseburger and taking an enormous bite. She set it down and patted at her lipstick with a napkin. “Or else I will.”

“I’m here to clarify a matter,” Five said, appearing in Diego’s room.

Diego looked up. He was wearing a thin tank top— again— and it took all Five’s might to not let his gaze linger on Diego’s chest, even though it reminded him sourly of the conversation earlier. “What’s going on?”

“You slept with the Handler,” Five said.

For a moment, Diego looked at him, silent.

Five looked at him evenly. He was good at waiting out a conversation.

“It’s not that complicated,” Diego said, leaning back against the wall. “I like sex. I like women. And on occasion, because I can, I like to go to a bar and pick up someone who’s gonna give me a good time.”

“A good time,” Five echoed.

Diego threw him a look. “You’re going to get on my ass about sleeping with the woman who indirectly caused World War II, aren’t you?”

“Maintained,” Five said, “not caused.”

“You worked for her,” Diego said. “You killed people for her. Not sure how that’s worse than a one-night stand.”

“You aren’t going to see her again?” Five said.

“Can’t decide,” Diego said. “She gave me her number. And don’t get me wrong, she was good, even if things got a little bit—”

“For the love of God, don’t finish that—” Five started.

“What’s your game here?” Diego interrupted him. He crossed his arms over his chest. Goddamn, Five couldn’t help but look at those biceps, even now. “Because you keep asking me questions and then telling me you don’t want to hear the answers.”

“I’m trying to get clarity,” Five said.

“Weird kind of clarity to want, though.”

“What I mean is that there’s no reason for you to seek out the Handler if all you want is…” Five waved his hand. “A good time.”

“Are you trying to assure me that I can always go out and get laid?” Diego said. “Because no offense, man, but I know that pretty well.”

“No,” Five said, annoyed.

“Are you jealous?” Diego said. “Because don’t take it out on me if you can’t find anyone who’ll let you fuck them. Just go to a bar, knock back a couple of your margaritas that you like so much, act like you don’t think you’re the smartest person in the room, and play up the pretty young twink angle.”

“What?” Five said. “No, fuck you. I’m not some kind of— I’m not the one who’s throwing myself at any person who’ll give me the time of day, I’m not you.”

There was a pause. Diego raised his eyebrows.

“I’m saying that you need to raise your standards,” Five said.

Diego looked at him. Five didn’t break eye contact, but the longer Diego looked at him, he felt like he was burning, and if he stayed under Diego’s gaze for too long, he’d incinerate.

“And I’m saying you need to fuck off,” Diego said, voice silky. “Jerk off and die mad about it, baby.”

Five had suspected for almost sixty years that Diego was the most annoying person he’d ever met, but that conversation confirmed it. He’d flipped Diego off with both hands and warped out of his boiler room back into the Academy, which was technically more distance than it was really advisable to do in one jump on a regular basis, but fuck advisable. His heart was still beating hard when he landed in his bedroom.

_Jerk off and die mad about it._ What a tool.

It was a figure of speech, but the idea of Diego genuinely, actually thinking that Five would— that he’d ever even consider wrapping a hand around his dick with the thought of Diego in his mind— made Five’s blood heat up. He didn’t even jerk off that much, anyway. Definitely not as much as Diego, who probably had a hand on his dick at any opportunity, cupping his fingers around himself on autopilot in the shower in the morning or settling into bed and reaching into his pants.

Diego would look so natural like that. So comfortable.

Five paced. His room was small enough that it felt like a shoebox, or a cage. Maybe Diego was having enough sex that he didn’t need to take care of himself that often. Five pictured him getting ready for a night out in front of the smudged mirror in the boiler room: dressing down in a pair of dark jeans and a tank top that exposed his broad shoulders and modeling-worthy biceps, combing his hair with his fingers, maybe raking it up a little. He’d tidy his room enough that it wouldn’t be a disgrace if he brought a girl back there— a guy, even— and he’d grab his wallet and keys and head out. He’d go to a bar; he’d turn heads, and maybe he’d meet a woman with heavy-lidded eyes and an anachronistically imposing dress, who’d beckon him closer.

Five’s dick stirred in his pants, and he stilled.

“No,” he said aloud. He needed to not do this. He could go out for a cup of coffee, get some fresh air, reward himself for not thinking about Diego—

— and Five remembered the Handler, and even if she’d been seriously fucked in the head she’d been damn pretty, and she’d given Five such an indulgent smile the first time he got her bullet bra undone one-handed, and he remembered how utterly shameless she’d been while naked, unfazed by her own bare body. They’d once had sex on her desk and she’d straightened up afterwards, not bothered to put on clothes, and gone back to work in the nude. Was Diego as shameless as she was? He had every right to be. Five didn’t have to be hung up on him to notice the beautiful build of his body, every lean muscle and solid mass and elegant line. Maybe he’d sit up in bed after sex, watching the Handler light a cigarette, and she’d look over at him, satisfied with what she saw, and say, _want one?_

_Nah,_ Diego would say. _Not my thing._

The Handler would raise her eyebrows. _Are you on a health kick? I mean, it’s working._ She’d lean over and tweak his nipple ring. _But a good boy like you deserves to be naughty every now and then, don’t you think?_

Five shuddered. He hesitated for a moment, weighing the costs and benefits in his mind. It was just an orgasm. He felt tense, tight, wound up further by every time Diego sauntered into the kitchen like he owned it. Every time the thought of Diego flitted across his mind, it got worse. So if this was what he needed to do… he might as well.

Diego wouldn’t ever have to know.

Five settled himself down on his bed, undoing his pants. He was half-hard already, and he took out his dick, wrapping a hand around himself. It felt good— too good. He gritted his teeth, because he needed to get this over with; purge every thought of Diego from his mind by giving himself this tiny window of opportunity when he was allowed to dwell on it.

The Handler liked to be on top. She didn’t care for missionary, she’d told Five once, and she didn’t like the feeling of a mattress against her back. Five had furrowed his brow and asked her how she slept, if that was true.

_Oh,_ the Handler had said. She’d smiled. _I don’t._

Five squeezed his cock. One of her favorite positions had been draping herself over Five’s lap in his desk chair and riding him. _You look stressed, handsome,_ she’d say, hovering over his desk, and Five would look up at her and he wouldn’t say no, and in an instant she’d be on top of him. Five still remembered her perfume— Chanel, _Cuir de Russie,_ 1927 formula specifically. She’d sent him once on a mission simply to go back and fetch more of it. Did she still wear it? Was it still lingering on Diego’s sheets, on his skin— he imagined Diego in the locker room showers, washing the traces of her off himself. Those hickeys wouldn’t fade so easily, though. Maybe he’d go upstairs to work out, taking off his shirt before he remembered what he looked like. The other guys at the gym would raise their eyebrows when they saw him.

_Damn, bro,_ one might say, gaze on a hickey next to the nipple ring.

_This crazy chick,_ Diego would say. He’d pick up a free weight. _Look, man, she was into me. Was I gonna say no?_

_Clearly not, the guy would say, giving Diego a final look over. You seeing her again?_

Five bared his teeth. He jerked himself faster, harder. He wanted this to end. If he never thought about Diego or the Handler ever again, it would be too soon. Perhaps his emotions were getting too intense, but if he ever had to spend one more single minute dwelling on the idea of Diego pinning the Handler against the wall of his boiler room and kissing her, his hand dropping down to squeeze her breast as she wrapped one leg around him, balancing on one high heel and bracing herself against Diego’s solid, strong body as he opened his mouth and kissed her deeper, knowing he was gonna get laid, he’d scored a good one— Five twisted his wrist, his grip tight.

Diego was a good kisser. Five was sure of it.

Somehow, that was what pushed him over the edge. The idea of Diego leaning in, fitting his lips to the someone’s mouth, murmuring something low and teasing, breath against lips, the soft sound of pulling away— Diego’s hands would slip under the hem of Five’s shirt, his hands warm, his kiss still lingering on Five’s mouth— he’d pull him into bed— they’d be entangled, they’d fuck, Diego would look at him with those dark brown eyes—

There was no purging this. Five bit his free hand as he came, stifling his cry in the empty room.

If Diego were really so annoyed with Five, he shouldn’t have come over to the Academy for breakfast. The moment Five saw him appear in the doorway, he shook out his newspaper and held it out in front of his face. He didn’t want to see him.

He also had the sneaking suspicion that after yesterday, he couldn’t look him straight in the eye.

Diego didn’t speak. Five watched over the top of his newspaper as he got his smoothie ingredients from the fridge, moving on autopilot. If Diego tried to speak to him, Five would shut him the fuck down. He’d raise his newspaper in front of his face and act cool and removed, drawing out the tension— the moment could last forever. Five could give him the silent treatment for a long, long time.

There was a slapping sound of bare feet in the hallway, and Five let out a minute sigh behind his newspaper.

“Hiii,” Klaus said, swanning into the kitchen. “Diego, what are you doing here so early?” He considered. “What are you doing here at all? I thought you said nothing could convince you to come back to the Academy.”

“I’m not here for good, calm down,” Diego said. “The blender in my room’s just broken.”

“Get a new blender,” Five said.

“Mind your own business,” Diego said.

Klaus looked between them curiously, and then looked back at Diego. “What— oh.”

“What?” Diego said.

“Diego,” Klaus said, “that is the most impressive and concerning hickey I have ever seen in my life.”

Five put down his newspaper. His stomach plunged as he saw the object of Klaus’s awe. Diego’s neck was adorned with a resplendent bruise, decorating him with stomach-turning evidence of a previous tryst. He looked _owned._ There were probably fingernail scratches on his back, too— the Handler’s nails were always impeccably sharp— and it had probably taken Diego ages to wash the lipstick off his neck, because Five knew the Handler, and she always liked marking her territory.

“You saw her again?” Five said.

“It doesn’t matter to you,” Diego said.

Five opened his mouth and then closed it. He could not bring himself to say that it did.

“If it’s the most ridiculous hickey _I’ve_ ever seen, do you know what that means?” Klaus said, looking around at the two of them.

“What’s it mean, Klaus?” Diego said.

“It means I’m not the family slut anymore!” Klaus said, clapping his hands together. “That is officially _toi._ Congratulations.”

“Yeah, man, whatever,” Diego said. “I do what I want.”

“And what you want is sex, all the time, because you’re a cute young stud and you want to show off your pierced nipple and impressive dick and appealing muscles,” Klaus said, rocking himself peacefully where he sat on the table. Five could see up his skirt. 

He was beginning to gather a hypothesis of how Klaus knew about Diego’s impressive dick.

“Klaus,” Diego said, not unkindly. “I’m not getting back together with you, man.”

“I know,” Klaus said, dampened slightly.

Five took a sip of his coffee. Several impulses were warring inside him. There was a certain grim smugness about having his suspicions confirmed, and also a mean little bolt of satisfaction that the two of them had crashed and burned. Or at least broken up. And then there was the ever-present exasperation at Diego’s… everything, his looks, his little smile as if he held a secret, the way he so effortlessly seemed to snap up every person in Five’s immediate orbit and magic them into his bed.

“Well,” Klaus said with a little rueful laugh, “you have her now. How could any of us compete?”

“You should know that this woman was—” Five started, and then Diego pressed the button on the blender, drowning him out.

“I’m sorry?” Klaus said.

Five shot Diego a malevolent look. “She was—”

Diego turned the blender on higher. Five raised his voice. “She was the one who—”

“She was the one who gave me this hickey,” Diego interrupted, “and she was the one who deepthroated my dick without even a hint of a gag reflex, and the one who rode me until the springs in the mattress nearly snapped, and the one who realized exactly how to take advantage of my breath-holding power, and the one who gave me a full-body massage after, and the one who invited me back to her place for next time.”

There was a pause. Klaus’s eyes were wide, somewhere between terror and awe and deep envy.

Diego smiled like a shark. “Is that enough for you?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Five said, acidic, and he warped away in a flash of blue.

If Five spent any more time running Diego’s words through his mind like a tape, he was going to implode. He wasn’t going to jerk off and think about him again, because that had backfired spectacularly. Diego was everywhere now: in his mind, in his body, and apparently in his house.

“Fix your blender,” Five said, when Diego walked into the kitchen the next morning.

“I’m a busy person,” Diego said, walking over to the fridge and opening it. He crouched to examine the food on the lower shelf, and Five resisted the strong urge to glance down at his ass. “We got any milk?”

“I finished it,” Five said.

“I thought you didn’t put milk in your coffee.”

“Cereal,” Five said.

Diego nodded.

Five took a sip from his mug. “Are you too busy a person to go get more from the store?”

“Are you too busy to remove the stick from your ass?” Diego said. “Jesus Christ, I get laid three times and you look like you put vinegar in your coffee.”

“Three times?” Five said, putting his mug down.

Diego gave him a long look.

Five picked his mug back up. “It’s none of my business.”

“Get over yourself,” Diego said. “What do you want from me, exactly? Control over my sex life? Next time I meet a girl and her hands start to wander, I’ll make sure to call you.” He affected a breathy, strained voice. “Hey, Five, can you do a background check on—?”

“Stop,” Five said, because the mental image was going to break him with combined humiliation and arousal.

“Seriously,” Diego said, pulling up a chair and sitting down at the table. “What’s going on here?”

Five took his time coming up with an answer. He needed to say this carefully, precisely, and perfectly, because it felt like his entire sense of dignity was hanging in the balance, and he didn’t like that.

“Five,” Diego said.

“I don’t like that you’re seeing her,” Five said, looking up at him. “You know that.”

“Yeah,” Diego said, “and you know you can’t control what I do, so.”

“She’s dangerous,” Five said. “And I know what you’re going to say, and I know you can handle danger, Diego, but you have to have the common sense to understand that it’s vastly preferable to _avoid_ threats. And if you’re really as much of a sex magnet as you think you are, I’m sure you can pull someone better.”

Diego was silent for a moment. Five was quiet as he watched the emotions play across his beautifully expressive face.

“She has things I can’t easily get from other people,” Diego said finally.

“Like what?” Five said.

“It doesn’t matter,” Diego said. “Forget it.”

“No,” Five said.

“I’m telling you to forget it,” Diego said. “Look, I get what you’re saying, but it’s not going to be easy to break up with her. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Nobody can control what you do,” Five said, brow furrowing. “You’ve said that yourself, many times. What’s keeping you?”

“You wouldn’t get it.”

Five’s stomach flipped. “Are you two—” He had to compose himself. 

Diego looking into the Handler’s eyes. Kissing her like she was familiar. Making plans to see her again, and again, and again.

“Is it more than sex?” Five said carefully.

Diego’s eyes widened for a moment, and then he shook his head. “No, fuck no, we’re not in a relationship, she doesn’t want that.”

“But you do?” Five said.

Diego bit his lip, as if trying to take his words back. Five watched him, heart beating uncomfortably. He had been jealous before, but now he was truly worried for Diego. The Handler was about as kind a girlfriend as a rattlesnake, and Diego… he was sensitive. He didn’t want to admit it, and everyone was too polite to say it, but Diego’s emotions ran deep underneath the steel and the leather, and Five couldn’t stand the thought of him getting his heart broken.

“I’d want a relationship,” Diego said, “but not from her.”

“So what are you getting from her?” Five said, voice a little softer.

“Are you actually asking, or are you trying to lecture me?”

“As if I’m idiotic enough to try to lecture you,” Five said.

Diego swallowed. “Look, man, this isn’t your wheelhouse. I’d tell you if it were. But what I have with her, it’s… it’s more than sex, kind of, but less than a relationship.”

Five frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s complicated,” Diego said.

“I’m smart,” Five said.

“That is exactly why you wouldn’t understand,” Diego said. “You’re a genius. When you have sex— if you have sex—”

“I have sex,” Five said.

“Yeah, whatever,” Diego said. “If you have sex, you’re probably thinking about it in your mind like it’s some kind of optimization problem. You don’t get what it’s like to want to get out of your head, to think with your body, because you’re so hung up on how smart and right you are that you can’t bear the thought of letting go and letting somebody else take the reins for once. Letting someone— giving yourself to someone for a defined period of time, pretending that the feeling is the only thing that exists, choosing to give up your mind and let someone— you wouldn’t want that.”

“Christ,” Five said. “She dominated you.”

Diego’s face twisted, bitter and hurt.

“It’s more than sex and less than a relationship,” Five said. He was beginning to sense that he’d uncovered something far bigger and far more intimate than he’d intended to see. Then again, hadn’t he been the one to go prying into Diego’s sex life? But now that he’d pieced together the pieces, it felt disarmingly accurate, and it was a wonder he hadn’t seen it before. Of course Diego, sensitive stallion, wanted someone to dominate him in bed. And of course only someone with as much conviction as the Handler could force him down.

“So?” Diego said, voice dangerously quiet.

“So you’ll find someone who’ll do it better,” Five said. His heart was in his throat. “If you wanted—”

“I promise you, I don’t want your advice here,” Diego said, standing up. “Swallow it.”

Five looked up. “Are you— wait, are you leaving?”

“You were the one who was all twisted up about me being here in the first place,” Diego said.

Five bit his tongue.

“I’ll tell Mom you’re out of milk,” Diego said.

“I’ll go to the store myself,” Five said.

“So self-sufficient,” Diego said. “Enjoy your breakfast by yourself. Only reason you’ll see me around this kitchen again is if my blender fucking explodes.”

“I don’t want you to go to her,” Five said.

Diego looked at him for a moment, wordless and unreadable. Five bit his lip, gazing back.

“I know,” Diego said, and he walked out the door.

The atrium lights were low, and the room was deserted. Five sat in an armchair under a single lamp, holding a modest tumbler of whiskey in one hand and a book in the other.

He hadn’t seen Diego in two and a half days. After he’d stalked out of the kitchen, the house had felt even more silent and still than usual. Five felt tense with uncertainty. It wouldn’t be unlike Diego to realize subconsciously that Five was right and deny it so hard he’d throw himself in the opposite direction trying to pretend it wasn’t true— which was a fancy and complicated way of saying that Five had been chewing on his fingernails, debating with himself over whether Diego was seeing the Handler again.

Now, Five had given up on that worry. He needed time to himself. Luther had taken one look at him and scurried away, and Klaus hadn’t even tried to bother him. At night, alone, he made his sanctum, gathering the peace and quiet around him and recharging.

There was a noise in the doorway. 

Five looked up, going rigid, before he recognized the outline of Diego. His heart swooped. He settled back in his chair, still coiled with tension like a rattlesnake.

Diego nodded at him in greeting.

“The blender is—” Five started.

“I’m not here for the blender,” Diego said.

Five raised an eyebrow.

Diego walked into the room and dropped himself down on the sofa across from Five’s armchair. He bit his tongue, looking off at a point past Five’s shoulder, and then he sighed.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“Really?” Five said. “That’s quite a turnaround.”

Diego ran a hand through his hair. “I get that she’s dangerous. I can see that. The way she treats me…” He shook his head. “If she treats the world like the pretty guy she could charm into her bed, she’s trouble.”

“Add to that her considerable spacetime knowledge and applied powers, and you’d think she might even try to start an apocalypse,” Five said, setting his book aside. “You’ll find someone better, Diego. I promise.”

“I gotta get over it,” Diego said.

Five wasn’t exactly accustomed to comforting people. Diego looked unhappy, but Five was completely sure he wouldn’t accept pity— but he wouldn’t like it if Five said nothing, either.

“Anyway,” Diego said. “I’ll stop fucking your scary ex. Don’t worry.”

“Good,” Five said mildly. “How do you usually find people who’ll… provide what you got from her?”

“It’s not really a formal thing,” Diego said. “I’m not into fetish shit; I don’t do whips and chains or anything. It’s more that— I’ll have sex with a person, I’ll like them enough to see them again, I’ll get a vibe from them, I’ll lean into it, and it’ll… happen. But I’m not gonna meet someone and immediately get on my knees begging for it.”

“So the people you trust to dominate you are the people you don’t know,” Five said, “but you have enough self-preservation that you wouldn’t give that power to a complete stranger? And you expect it to emerge organically every time?”

“Yeah,” Diego said.

“Well,” Five said. “I can see that that’s difficult, then.”

“I can handle it,” Diego said tightly.

“It’s not about what you can handle,” Five said. “It’s— you never ask for it upfront, really?”

Diego gave him a look. “It’s not the kind of thing I really want my partners to know.”

“Your deep dark secret that you occasionally like to play submissive?” Five said. “Christ, Diego, that’s a tame deep dark secret to keep from your partners.”

“You wouldn’t get it,” Diego said.

“Would I?” Five said. “I have a penchant for dominating people in bed. There. I told you. It isn’t that hard.”

Diego raised his eyebrows. 

The silence hung in the air for too long. Five was beginning to feel some discomfort, a curl of embarrassment threatening to work its way up from his gut, and he cleared his throat. “If I can do it, so can you.”

“That’s bullshit reasoning, man,” Diego said. “Different contexts. Your logical shit doesn’t apply.” He was looking at Five differently. His eyes seemed to glitter, and Five suddenly felt too warm, feeling his pulse in every part of his body.

Five cleared his throat again. “Logic always applies.”

“Are you trying to fuck me?” Diego said.

“What?” Five said.

Diego leaned back, smiling. It didn’t look entirely nice. “Are you trying to console me because you want to dom me?”

“What if I am?” Five said. He leaned forward. “You wouldn’t want that? Someone you can trust who’ll treat you right?”

“It’s different when it’s a stranger,” Diego said. His voice was low. “If I’m never gonna see someone again, I’ll let them push me around, but if it’s someone I know… I don’t like the idea that you’ll remember this.”

“Why?” Five said. “I promise you, the Handler remembers having sex with you.” He smiled. “You’re not exactly forgettable.”

“But I don’t have to look the Handler in the eye at every family dinner,” Diego said. “It’s not about whether they remember, it’s— I remember, okay? And I have to look out for my image, I have to keep myself under control, because no one can fucking know, Five. Imagine if Klaus found out that you bossed me around in bed.”

“I assure you that Klaus has heard worse,” Five said.

“But he hasn’t heard worse from me,” Diego said. “Everyone has an image of me. I have to maintain it.”

“I already know your image, and I already know what’s under it,” Five said. “And I’m attracted to you, and I know what you need, and I promise I can make this worth your while.”

He was starting to understand what Diego was talking about with wanting to be oblique with his partners. Right now, saying those things to Diego— things that he hadn’t even been able to tell himself— he felt like he had more on display, more at stake, than he’d ever had before.

Five took a deep breath. He reached a hand across the low coffee table and caressed his jaw, running his thumb over Diego’s cheekbone. “If Luther or Klaus comes in, I will teleport to him and punch him in the face,” he said. “I’ll make sure no one sees anything. Do you believe that?”

“Yeah,” Diego said.

“If you don’t, we can go to my bedroom,” Five said.

“Stay here,” Diego said. He looked around the room. “Gotta say, you’re making an evening with a glass of whiskey and a book seem almost sexy.”

“It is sexy,” Five said. “I was satisfied with my night in before you showed up.”

Diego huffed a laugh. “You want me to leave you alone with it, then?”

“No,” Five said, tightening his hand on Diego’s face. The hue of his skin was even more gorgeous than usual in the golden light, and Five couldn’t take his eyes off him— he was gorgeous, he was riveting, and if he saw him out on the floor at a club, he’d be instantly, overwhelmingly jealous of everyone else who got to touch him. “I want you to be good for me and suck me off, Diego. I want to sit in my chair and spread my legs and let you kneel in between them and impress me.” He hesitated. “But I won’t want to do that if you don’t trust me.”

Diego’s throat worked. Five gave him a moment. If Diego didn’t want this— even if he wanted something else from Five, something furtive and ashamed and hard and fast to hide the truth— Five would drop it. Never bring it up again.

“No one will know?” Diego said.

“Except me,” Five said.

“And if people ask you what it was like, you’ll tell them I was— badass,” Diego said. “In charge.”

“If people ask me what it was like, I won’t tell them anything,” Five said sharply. “Don’t tell me to lie.”

Diego inclined his head.

“Good,” Five said, settling back in his chair.

“So what do you want me to, uh, do?” Diego said. “Are we… is this a future thing, or—”

“I’d like you to take off your shirt,” Five said.

He took a sip of his drink. He could blame it on the low light or the feeling of the liquor on his tongue, but truly, it was the sight of Diego, gorgeous in front of him, pure and wanting, that emboldened him. Diego wasn’t even wearing the knife harness. He looked formidable— he always did— but he looked humble.

Diego removed his shirt with athletic grace, tossing his shirt behind him. The light from the lamp glinted off his nipple ring, and Five made a pleased sound. 

“You like it?” Diego said, following his gaze downward. He grinned. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“It’s flashy,” Five said.

“It’s under my shirt ninety percent of the time.”

“But you think about it,” Five said.

“Yeah,” Diego said.

“I want you to run your hands all over yourself like you’re a stripper,” Five said. “Touch it.”

For a moment, Five thought he wouldn’t. Diego’s brow furrowed for a split second and then he pressed his palm to his chest, running it over his pecs. He skimmed his hand to his nipple and touched the piercing, running his fingers over the ring, tweaking it. He looked up at Five.

“Do you like it when people put their mouths on it?” Five said, entranced.

“Yeah,” Diego said, voice starting to sound a little rough. “I’m into it.”

“Mm,” Five said.

Diego cleared his throat. “Are you going to—”

“We’ll see,” Five said.

“The hell does that mean?” Diego said.

“It means that I haven’t decided yet if you’re going to get what you want,” Five said. “It depends on how good you’ll be for me, I think.” He smiled. “Did you ever kneel for her?”

“For the Handler?” Diego said. “Nah.”

“Did you ever kneel for anyone else?” Five said.

“I mean, I’ve given blowjobs, I’ve gotten down on my knees for that,” Diego said. “Is there something else you’re angling for here?”

“Diego, I want you to listen to me,” Five said. “If I’m going to do this for you, I’m going to be your best.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Diego said. “And that comes in the form of wanting me to—”

“Kneel,” Five said.

The effect was immediate. Diego’s eyes seemed to dilate and he sank down, folding his legs under him and situating himself between Five’s legs. He shifted, trying to get comfortable.

“Good boy,” Five said, voice like velvet.

Diego stopped dead.

Five smiled. He settled back in his chair. “She called you that, didn’t she?”

“How did you know?” Diego said quietly.

“How do you think I know?” Five said. He leaned down. “Diego, do you really think you’re the only one who’s discovered sleeping with the Handler? I got there first. I always get there first. I sat on my desk at the Commission as she knelt on the floor and sucked my dick.”

“I don’t believe you,” Diego said. “She’s dominant, she told me. Proved it, too.”

“But I’m more dominant,” Five said. “I won. She called me her good boy, and I told her to try again.” He leaned even closer. “But that isn’t you. She called you her good boy, and she was almost right, wasn’t she?”

“What do you mean?” Diego said. His eyes were fixed on Five.

“You are a good boy,” Five said. “But you’re not hers.”

There was a pause. Diego’s eyes looked liquid in the dim light, even deeper than usual, but he wasn’t looking at Five. His gaze was determinedly fixed downward, avoiding Five above him.

“Look me in the eye, Diego,” Five said. He leaned in and tipped Diego’s face up. “Come here. I’ve been having a relaxed evening with my whiskey and my book, and the only thing that would make it better is my pretty brother between my legs sucking me off. I think you can make that happen for me, can’t you?”

Diego’s eyes were wide. He reached forward, undoing Five’s pants, and Five let out a breath, tangling his hand in Diego’s hair.

“So good,” he said, as Diego carefully pulled out his cock. “You know, I don’t think anybody’s done this since the Handler.” He traced the scar on Diego’s temple. “Give me a good memory to replace it with.”

“Yeah,” Diego said roughly. He squeezed Five’s dick, stroking it. “How do you like it?”

“I don’t have a specific preference,” Five said, breath hitching slightly. “I want your best.”

“Of course you do,” Diego said, and he ducked his head down, taking Five’s cock all the way into his mouth.

The time seemed to slip. Five couldn’t tell how long Diego had been working at him with that gorgeous mouth and those capable hands, and he didn’t want to, because he was lost in the sensation of it and he never wanted to come out of his fugue. Diego had said something about wanting to let go during sex; surrender to another person. That was what this whole submission schtick was about for him, wasn’t it? He’d said that Five wouldn’t understand it. Five gave a little incredulous laugh.

Diego pulled off. “What’s so funny?”

Five brought his thumb down and traced Diego’s spit-slick lower lip. “Only thinking about how sexless you used to think I was.”

“It wasn’t that I thought you were sexless,” Diego said, but there was a note of denial in his voice.

“It’s all right to be wrong,” Five said smugly. “You can go back to sucking my dick now.”

Diego lifted his middle finger, but when Five pulled his hair he went back down, redoubling his efforts. Five shuddered. Diego could probably feel his dick twitch in his mouth. “I’m close,” he said, and his voice came out breathier than he would have preferred, but Christ, if there were ever a time to cut himself a little slack— Diego’s eyes, the stretch of his lips around his cock, everything coming together at a point—

Five groaned, fingers tightening in Diego’s hair as he came.

Diego sat back on his heels, wiping his mouth. He looked dazed.

“So good,” Five said. “Perfect for me.”

“Yeah,” Diego said, shifting.

Five looked down. Diego was visibly hard, and he shivered— every inch of the man exuded sex appeal; it wasn’t fair.

“You want something?” Diego said, a trace of uncertainty in his voice.

“Do you need to get off, Diego?” Five said. His voice was sympathetic, but there was a deeper edge to it. “You did so well on your knees.”

“What do you fucking think?” Diego said. He sounded a little hoarse, and Five shivered pleasantly. He’d done that to him, he’d thought. Soaked Diego in his praise, in his commands, until his prickly armor began to dissolve.

“I’m not going to get you off unless you ask me for it,” Five said.

Diego swallowed. “Can you get me off?”

“I can’t decide,” Five said. He stroked Diego’s face. “Ask nicer.”

Diego shot him a look. “Can you please get me off?”

“How do you want it?” Five said. “I suppose I could let you grind against my leg. But I’m inclined to say you’ve been good, Diego.” He eyed the armchair appraisingly, trying to calculate the logistics, weighing whether he could feasibly ask Diego to join him, and then he looked back down at Diego.

Fuck it. Diego was here for him— kneeling on the ground for him, looking up at him with those gorgeous eyes— and it wasn’t about _you’ve been good_ anymore; it wasn’t about domination or mind games. Five wanted him. Nothing was simpler. Five slid down to the ground, kneeling next to him.

“What,” Diego said, and Five cut him off, kissing him fiercely.

Diego kissed back as if by instinct, hand coming up to cradle Five’s face. He was _perfect._ Five smiled against his lips, breathless.

“What?” Diego murmured.

“I was right,” Five said. “You are a good kisser.”

Diego’s face lit up. “You’ve been thinking about it?” He stroked Five’s face and pulled him in again, kissing him for a second time, longer and deeper and even more intoxicating, and Five had to break away to breathe.

“Been thinking about you with her,” he said. “I knew what she would be like, but I had to speculate about you.”

“What’d you picture?” Diego said. “Me on my knees for you?”

“I pictured you kissing her,” Five said. “And I pictured her slipping her hands up your shirt, feeling your—” He pressed a hand to Diego’s abs. “And touching your nipple ring.” He moved his hand up, circling around the metal.

“You knew about it?” Diego said.

“I was told of it,” Five said. “Your ego can bask in that. Knowing you’re the stuff of legends.” He’d never praised Diego this much before in his life, but here on the floor, everything seemed fair game. 

Diego laughed, breathless. “You mentioned putting your mouth on it.”

“Did I,” Five said, and he pushed Diego back onto the floor and crawled over him, leaning down to mouth at his nipple. He kissed the ring, letting his tongue trace it, his teeth graze it, and he was gratified by the way Diego twitched under him. “I thought you’d like this, Diego. Seems like you.”

“Fuck, will you please get me off,” Diego said, voice strained. “I don’t care how you do it, just fucking do it, Five, stop teasing me, come on.”

“I’ll do what I want,” Five said, but he was moving down Diego’s body, nuzzling at his dick through his fabric of his pants. He undid them, tugging them down with his boxers, exposing Diego’s cock and taking it out. He gave it a few strokes. “Including this.”

Diego made a choked noise. “Please?”

“Good,” Five said, and he opened his mouth.

It didn’t take long. Five wasn’t exactly experienced in this arena— he’d been with women vastly more often, and it wasn’t like he’d never gone down on a man, but still— and yet, it felt surprisingly natural. It didn’t hurt that Diego was so close to coming, either; he was desperate, worked up only from sucking Five’s dick, which sent a shiver of heat through Five.

“I’m— ” Diego gasped, holding himself up on his elbows. “You got me so worked up, sweetheart, I’m this close—”

Five looked up at him, running his tongue along the underside of Diego’s cock as he kept eye contact, an implicit dare. Diego shuddered and Five reached out with his free hand, squeezing his thigh, and Diego groped for his hand and squeezed it hard, as he came, back arching, his whole body trembling.

Five swallowed, sitting back. Diego sat up. For a moment, they looked at each other, and then Diego shifted, crawling forward and leaning his body against Five’s.

“Jesus,” Five said, catching him. “You’re a cuddly bastard.”

“And you’re a dick,” Diego said.

“Mm,” Five said. “So how do I compare?”

Diego looked up at him. “To the Handler?”

“Yes,” Five said.

“Man, are you really still on that?” Diego said. “We just exchanged some fantastic blowjobs, can’t you wallow?”

“I need to know,” Five said. He tugged Diego’s hair. “And don’t act like you’re not competitive yourself.”

“Jesus,” Diego said. “Never met a guy who’s worse than me with that. You were so much better than her, it’s ridiculous, all right? 

Five smiled. “I knew it.”

“So why’d you ask?” Diego said.

“Because I had to,” Five said. “Fuck her.”

“Fuck her,” Diego agreed, stretching and then resettling himself next to Five. “So we’re gonna do that again, right? Maybe in a bed?”

“I didn’t realize you were so wedded to having sex in the most boring possible way,” Five said.

“This floor’s killer on my knees, is all I’m saying.”

“Don’t be a baby,” Five said. “There’s a rug.”

Diego flicked him. “You try it next time and see who’s complaining.”

“Maybe I will,” Five said. The words _next time_ filled him with a warm glow and he leaned against Diego, tucking his head against him. “Maybe I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> [electra-xt](https://electra-xt.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, taking prompts, come talk to me about TUA!


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